420

ahahahahahah I had to blog
i hit 420 hits!! hahaha if u dont know what that means
don't ask
lol
unless I like u an I will fill you in with the 411
Last night this morning was pure torture
I binged last night :( hard :(:(:( yes i failed again
This morning i felt so sick and i still do but i was at the point of violently shaking, cold sweats, and nauseated. I don't have a problem with puking but not the feeling of having too. It felt like morning sickness all over again but dont worry girls and boys im 100% not prego. I am sure it was from the binge......i SIV n nothin g but bile came up but it made me feel a bit better, i felt like the worst person in the world, my three year old asking if I was ok :(
she didnt see me thank god
I needed to be punished....
I'm not a cutter
but i found blades.....not shaving blades...exactoknife razors. fresh ones that u can break off every time it gets dull, i snapped off three.
I cut twice on my hip and twice on my upper thigh, it looked like it didnt do much so i stopped n came upstairs.
I felt a stinging sensation as i look down and see blood thru my jamma pants and top.......it was a sense of accomplishment, i wanted to bleed, i needed it. i felt so in control
i just wanted to watch the blood
 taste it
 watch it
fuck up eh?
their just surface cuts so dont worry
im just worried hubby will see
in a way it was euphoric
I havent eaten all day
i guess thats good.....making spagetti for supper but ill just eat the sauce.
what else to report? i dont know
its smoke time finally
stay strong people