$#@!*&%$#

Morning.

Weighed in yesterday at 119.0

This morning at 118.5, I'm happy BUT for how much I've been restricting, eating healthy, and exercising, I'm pissed off.

BUT it could be worse right?

I"m bitchy...yayyyyy......sarcasm here......

My hubby made me go see the doc, gotta get blood work done and an ECG.

Fantastic, but I know im still fat enough that my heart is fine

I want to be 110 pounds so fucking bad.

I'm back on track and should hopefully see it soon..I hope i don't plateau.

I've been binge free forrrrr probably almost a week, which is good, but I feel a binge coming on, and the fact my weight isn't dropping how i want it too, sometimes i feel why the fuck not, but then id be gross.

grosser?

is that a word? well if not i made that shit up copy right bitches

All i feel is fat, but my clothes tell me different xs are fun but i still don't believe it.

I think i could be bitchy cause aunt flo may be coming fuck fuck fuckkkkk

My hubby wants me to go back and talk to my ED psychologist too.

Maybe if i wanted or thought i needed help i would

it would be an entire waste of time because i don't wanna talk about anything

i black shit out for a reason get high to forget so yah

we will see how that goes.

we bought bikes yesterday...and molded seats for the back for our girls.

I prob haven't ridden a bike in 15? years?

Yah, it was fun and we go way farther than our walks take us but holy fucking shit.

biking is way harder than walking, I'm glad the exercise kicks my ass but i got mad at myself thinking i could do better actually make it up a hill? everyone was cruising past  me but they also didn't have a 20lb baby on the back so STFU.

I actually had a good sleep last night, actually slept, possibly because i was so busy doing errands running around working out and our bike ride but i got my anxiety meds filled yesterday and i took two that may also have helped.

I'm done bitching

NiKkI

stay strong