23 followers now? It makes me so happy even though lately I have felt/been the biggest failure yet.
Welcome my 2 new lovelies
thank you for your comments, thank all of you for your comments, makes me feel a bit less of a failure. :P Lately it's just been extra hard with hubby out of town etc. I've been purging alot more and realize why i just rather not eat but yah I'm fat and apparently cant handle it.
I don't wanna post lately because i feel unworthy too. iam not double digits I've been b/p or just binging so bad and haven't weighed in weeks. with hubby not around yah its good with no food junk food etc but then i just find other shit to binge on, like what the fack. lol
go me
Lately i have been extra hard on myself, i am not doing well, i feel like I've gained all the weight I've lost, failed horribly, can't get back on track, nothing I do is good enough and I've totally lost my self confidence and who I am.
I need to get my confidence back but why do I need people to tell me I look ok? mainly boys?
people almost need to re assure me even tho i don't believe them or at least ana doesn't but it helps.
I'm sorry everyone I'm like a walking baby wah wah wah
if I'm sick of being fat .....get back on track you fat fuck
if your not happy change it, get back on track etc.
thanks people cause you know that's not what i would kill for right now.
but so many fucking thoughts run thru my head, you've failed so much
give up
oh well your stressed, hubby's not home, blah blah blah
fuck you fat ass excuses.
I want to slip into a drug/alcohol induced coma
aren't i a great mother :'(
but thank you everyone for your support, your words mean more than anything.
Today I will get my confidence back and it will radiate and make me feel better and maybe just maybe I can get me back too.
Mich~ thanks for your new comment and welcome to my fucked up world haha i try to be the best mom i can, my girls are my world.
Gianni~ welcome welcome, thanks for your comment too
sorry i haven't been commenting much on your blogs, shit has is fucked up and i feel like shit and want to disappear lmao
ill be back soon bitches
gabby~ i hope your doing well, I'm proud of you
CJ~god i hope you realize your not worth all the shit and pain you go thru, i fucking hate it and i wish i could save you xoxoxoxo
ok mama needs coffee
love you all
Nikki
I'm a mother of two and a military wife. I know your pain. When my hubby is overseas it gets so fucking hard to eat right, especially when I'm making my kids chicken tenders and stuff. I just end up snacking on their food like a lard.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're not a bad mother. I'm sure you're a fantastic mommy! Stay strong, beautiful!
Thinking those things DOES NOT make you a bad mother. The fact that you're not doing those things you're thinking--that makes you a good mother.
ReplyDeleteYou'll get back on track. <3 We all have to pick ourselves up out of rough patches every once in a while.
xoxo