I detest Easter and praise that its almost finally over with.
The chocolate, the candy, the food, the temptation.
I fucking hate it.
Lately Ive had good control only one binge within two weeks, the numbers are good.
Kinda mad i weighed the same this am.
went for a hard 2 hour walk today and i carried the baby so I hope that helped.
Hubby made pizza, but homemade whole wheat dough a bit of ham veggies and low fat cheese n I only had one slice and a big salad so lets hope for the best.
I want to be down so bad tomorrow but I have been thinking....
Well not thinking more like the voices in my head are telling me to do bad things.
I've restricted so bad lately I wanna binge hard.
It's Easter, have some chocolates, have a few things.....but I'm not dumb. I know it wont end there.
Then after realizing what I have done, I'll hate myself even more
Maybe that's why I'm bitchy I wanna eat but i wanna lose
fuck this shit
I'm so up in the air like well i ate so little yesterday but stayed the same. so almost like well i mine as well eat.....my brain is in shambles...i hate this.
but i love it so much
i don't know what to do or what I'm going to do :'(
my mind takes me over
i don't get the luck
like a four leaf clover
wondering if i'll get stuck
or just end it and it will be over
no more mind fuck.
I'm so lost right now.
scared of what I might do
excuses excuses excuses
I feel like a nothing of a person
no soul
no path but ana <3
My Only friend.......
N.
You are such a strong person Nikki, you give me strength everyday we talk and make me want to do better. Easter sucks food wise, but you MADE IT THROUGH and it is over now and you won't have to worry about it. The fact that you have barely even binged in the last two weeks is amazing, just keep focusing on the positives (no binge, teens...) and those annoying self-sabotaging voices won't be able to get to you, because you will know you are stronger than them!
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