Wednesday, March 30, 2011

When will you let me live

AS, Unbeautiful, Glitch, CJ, Gabby
<3 I have no words for what you guys mean to me <3
When I feel I have no one who understands...you guys are there.
Everyone one of my followers, you mean so much to me. I wish I wasn't such a huge fucking failure. I'm sorry for letting you down. I won't let it happen again.

I'm a fat fuck who binged last night...again
ya
fat fuck fat fuck fat fuck fat fuck fat fuck fat fuck fat fuck FAT FUCK FAT FUCK FAT FUCK FAT FUCKING BITCH.
I prob look no where near the pic I posted last time.
But thank you guys from the bottom of whatever I have left of a heart <3
Your comments mean loads.
I'm not even worthy

Ya i weighed this morning, what a disappointment.
It's my damn fault anyways. No one to blame but meh.
I don't even know what to do for motivation.
I'm thinking I have all of April to shape up.
My birthday is May 7th........

I don't know what I'm doing today other than self loathing hahah I'll prob drink to much coffee and clean......tomorrow I'm going to pick up my Weezy tickets I won.
Ya I'm so going to that concert.
I'll do anything to smoke a blunt with that guy, and Nicki Minaj, I'll do anything to get backstage, and that's my plan, maybe if I'm thin ill be cute enough to get some attention and sneak back hahahaha. Oh to dream :)

Ok I'm done spewing for now
LOVE YOU GUYS
xoxoxoxoxoxoox
NiKkI



4 comments:

  1. sweetie you are worthy! what are you doing for your birthday? am i invited? hehe
    x

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  2. push up them boobies for weezy and you'll get backstage!!
    I'll drug all my kids and sneak out and come push up my boobies too :P

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  3. I'm so so sorry to hear you binged. I'll let you in a little secret...I binged too..like REALLY binged...miso soup (a huge take away container) something like 29 pieces of sushi, seaweed salad, two veggie spring rolls, a couple pieces of toast, ice cream, nutella, crackers and salsa. This is all the food I can recall but I'm sure there was more and I don't think I purged it all. I'm now 100.2 this morning. I'm so sorry to have let you down...I'm just telling you this so you know that you aren't alone and you aren't a failure. Binges happen...we just have to dust ourselves off and try our best to recover from them. Be gentle with yourself today and kind to yourself if you can.

    Today is a coffee and cleaning day for me as well! Hope you can get all of your cleaning done. Feeling productive always helps :-)

    And thank you so much for this post...your words seriously mean so much to me. I don't know what I'd do without you either, babe. When I feel like no one knows me or understands what I am going through...when I feel so alone...you are always here for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you <3 Hope today is better for you! Stay strong! xx

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  4. Awe - you're such a sweetie. <3 -tackle hugs-

    You can do it - I'm sure you look beautiful hon! Drink that coffee, clean, and feel good!

    You are not a failure... know that. <3

    So go to that concert - dress cute, and have a blast - enjoy it - and let go. :)

    I want you to have a blast!!
    me.

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