Ramblings....

I knew I wasn't done......Will I ever be really?
I feel like a horrible bitchy whiny mom. I should be happy with everything in my life...
but i'm not...I haven't left the house in to long, if I go anywhere I have to first off dig myself out of the garage, and with two little ones it's basically impossible. It looks like the bloody north pole and it's still snowing....I need groceries....I have done 0 christmas shopping.......I need to get out. period. But going out usually takes money, and I'm broker than broke. So whats the point of going out. Im still...STILL in jammies cause i'm obviously not going anywhere so why the hell should I get dressed?? No ones gonna appreciate it anyways.....i feel lately too....why do I wanna be thin when no ones going to see me or appreciate it anyways/!?!?!!?? But i'm not giving up, I want to be thin for me, in a weird way it's almost keeping me sane but I lost my mind years ago...I didnt know it could keep going.
I haven't eaten today which is good but im starving i hope i can get away with no supper and not be a fatass binger later. The only thing i get happy about is weight loss and my self control.
I'm starving.....I need to shower but I rather do it without a toddler with me.....my brains not on today.....ill write more when i can think straight