Halo

I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore.
If you are thank you.
I'm in one sticky mother fucking situation.
I don't even know what to say or have an explanation.
All I can seem to say is FUCKKKKK or damn or mmmm
CJ~ I loved your post about 5 truths and lies so here are mine :

5 truths

1. I love my girls more than I will ever know
2. I'm addicted to coffee and if it could be interveniously injected I would
3. Iam going to try and work on things in family even if it hurts and im not 100% happy
4. I will be happy
5. i will be thin

5 lies

1. one day I will be happy
2. I accept my body
3. what happened happened and i've learned my lesson
4. it wont happen again
5. I will not cut until I bleed the blood I deserve

FUCKKKKK
I'm going shopping today i hope i can stop thinking.....maybe for 5 minutes.......ive stopped taking my meds...why u ask.....i dont know....because i'm so far gone whats the point anymore.................

FBE

Free
Body
Expressionist

Free
Bodied
Expressionism

How ever you want to look at it, pronounce it, what you think of it, is all up to you.
Cj <3 Your my teacher! lmao

Anywhoooooo, theres still that boy lurking around in my life.
He's as good as I remember him from when I was wasted.
Damnitt fuck shit fuck
That's not good, this may be a problem.
But it doesn't have to be if I don't make it one right?
I don't know what else to say or if i feel like talking about that anymore.

Today is the service for that sweet girl who was taken away too early from us.
It's not in the town I am in but about 3 hours south as it was her home town.
I don't do death well, been to a funeral once.
I am afraid of death a phobia almost
I don't deal well, but who really does?
I'm sad I can not be there
I hope she see all of us that are thinking of her today.
The skies weep on this sad day which doesn't make this any easier.
The weather is SHIT, it's depressing, can't go for a walk, or to the park with the kids just to get out of the house......
go for drives but that's not as fun and not as much exercise as my fat assery needs
was gonna go to the mall? stroller is soaked.... i could get a cart.......i dunno what i would even buy, it would have to be something tho to make me happy even just for a little.
I can still go out....i should....hello CABIN FEVER.
Fuck a Duck
PT is a crazy drama rama mess
The community is broken and eggshells have been spread
I wondered why I frequented less there
Now I will prob totally avoid that place because of all the stupid high school shit
I'm not 12
which is sad cuz I've met alot of really great people there
some of my closest <3
Blah I need more coffee n a possible plan lol
Stay strong
Niks
p.s. still fat but hoping to reach a goal by thursday. fuck you mom and your candy.
its a waste cause it's going in the trash
why didn't you take it home?
oh because you cant control and would eat the whole bag?
You know i have issues n you still left me with all this SHIT
gah
end

It's been a while since ive been on here

things lately have been ok with hubby etc i seem to be happier in a way?

i dont know though, ive gained a "few" lbs and im sick of it

sick of binging, but I can't seem to stop

still defs discusted with myself. look where i was and now where iam

what the fuck happened you ask?

i wish i knew the answers to that.

im kinda basically just surviving

alone for 2 weeks so just me n the girlies

alot of work but im glad i have them :)

went out last night, got drunk off my ass, danced alot, met alot of sweet people and a few cutie pies!

damn...i havent been asked forr my digits in forever, felt nice cuz im fat

but i got hot mama and milf alot thru the night so yay ego boost

One of the guys i met i did give him my digits i know whore right?

he called me when i got home and we just bullshitted til we both passed out haha

 been texting a bit and i woke up from my hell of a hangover vomiting mess nap with a phone call from him :)

he wants to see me again and take me for dinner?

what?

sorry babes im married

really didnt change his mind though

he also has two daughters

sexy voice

fuck....i know im gonna have to get rid of him soon though.

as of right now though....nothing will happen but ill talk to him

then decide on that

i pretty much puked my entire insides out today tho

INvoluntary puking=not the same as purging

i think im done puking atol today so no binges

stupid fat whore bitch

what sorry

Another girl i was in the hospital with and kinda close too........

her life was taken far too soon from the world of eds

she was such a nice caring quiet talented artistic woman

so sweet. so loved

I dont know exactly what happened, either suicide or complications.

i know this is dumb to say but she didnt seem suicidal, but who ever really does?

this is #3 now

it really makes u think

it is all really worth it

i think it is

but then this happens n your always thinking maybe its not

i dont babbling for now.

i miss this community

i miss all of you n hope that your staying strong

its hard but worth it in the end

xoxo

Nikki